Thoughts, Tips, Ideas and Tricks to live your best life
I did it!!!! I figured out how to share youtube videos on my site!!! This is a minor success!!!
Ok, back to my reaction. I really enjoyed Ralph's video. Are you an indigo child? Or maybe someone you know is an indigo child, and maybe understanding them would be a huge breakthrough for you in your relationship? I am an indigo child. My journey to re-discovering myself started about 4 years ago. I always knew I was different. I always knew I was purple, its actually the prettiest light purple that you see in his video below. I didn't know what this meant. But Smith (you know exactly who you are) you made me so happy to tell me my color. You laughed, it tickled me inside too, and you said you had never seen anyone that color. You were actually right about everyone's colors, when you were telling people those few days. Maybe that means you are an indigo too.
Anyway, Ralph's video below explains indigo's very well, and when I looked up this video that I just watched, he had sveral other videos about indigos. I have A LOT to learn still. Learning about the clasification of indigo's is fairly new to me. But I have always known that I was different and there was a lot of pain around this, I wanted people to see what I saw, and not be punished for saying out loud what I saw. Punishment includes people calling me weird and not wanting to be my friend, or the condescending corrections from parents/role model figures, "oh, you're so innocent, someday you will understand reality," and sometimes even aggressive reactions such as "F You! You don't know what the F you're talking about!" It turns out I did. I felt a lot of comfort in watching this video understanding that my experiences were typical and I am not alone. My hope for this commentary is to help you better understand those around you- some people see much more than a typical naked eye can see; or if you are an indigo too, to know that you're not alone (the way I would often feel)!
Indigos! I want more of you in my life!
I hope you enjoy this video! Sending love! <3
Trust the Universe. Trust Me. The right client, man, & situations will find me. What does trust mean to you?
I'd like to explore what trust means to me here to share with you. Trust has always been a challenge for me. And yet that is what I keep hearing I need to do, my higher self keeps yelling TRUST whenever I close my eyes and ask what to do. I don't know why this is so scary. It feels like I am closing my eyes and letting go of the rope to fall. Even just attempting to write about it right now is causing some anxiety. My lack of trust has often been an annoyance to friends and boyfriends.
I know why its so scary now. Things have a very funny way of working out. This is a new paragraph because I just got off the phone with a guy I really like. I am doing my best to be vulnerable, and be present with my feelings. During a meditation today the reoccurring theme of feeling left and not understanding why, came up. During my parents divorce my Dad disappeared, well in the eyes of a little kid. I had no idea why, or what I did. This fear/felling has come up with every single guy I have ever dated, and most friends and family too. The second I realize I like a guy, bam this fear is loud and clear and I become debilitatingly insecure. But just a minute ago I did something I have never done (so scary), I told him. I told him about my fear, and what happened as a kid, and how its showing up now relating to him. And, to my surprise he was happy that I told him, and thanked me. The conversation went well. I am still in shock a little. This is so much relief.
SO now (after a 20 minute conversation break) I am aware of why "TRUST" has always been so difficult. This conversation has never gone well, it has always been the death of any type of relationship, and just fueled my fear. Now with a sigh of relief, I just experienced trust. I guess just like anything else it just takes baby steps, and I will be open to experiencing more ways to trust. I will practice trust in all ways that I can. Right now, in this moment, I do see that I truly can trust the universe to bring me what I need next for my expansion.
Is trust a challenge for you too? Or maybe its something else? What can you do to open yourself to experience a new version of a story that used to re-play in your past? Trust me (hahaha), we as a society always say this in such a light hearted way, the next step will come.
You can try by asking a question.
What could happen today that would make me feel better?
Is there a different way that I have not thought of?
What could happen today that would bring a new perspective to me?
What can I do right now in this moment that will make me feel better? - But then you have to do it.
I will come back to this article to report my progress on trusting, the universe, friends, family, guys... But I am excited to see where my life can take me with TRUST.
Hello everyone. I'm not sure this is such a happy post, but I still want to share. Maybe some of you can relate, maybe this will give some of you permission to feel whatever you feel. I just did a meditation. And what came up for me was feeling helpless. Feeling helpless is an extreemly uncomfortable feeling for me. I just kept seeing the home that I lived in as a little kid, before 6 years old. I really don't have many memories of that house, other than the balcony, the giant table that I always liked. And a vacant spot for my dad that would move. I remember my mom, but more as an occupied space, rather than a person that I loved and loved me. I remember my Grandma getting annoyed at us because we were so excited to eat the chocolate pudding, that one is a good memory :) I remember the sensaton of spreading cottage cheese on the giant table. I know this story very well, because it freaked my mom out to find her baby on top of the table. But I remember liking the lumpy/smooth & spreadable sensation (for those that know me, this is still a defining quality that I often laugh about it with my best friends because it drives them nuts). And it was all very blury, all of it, but the feeling of helplessness was very loud. This was pretty uncomfortable, because I have always strongly disliked helpless people, often calling them pathetic, not outloud, but labeling "them" to myself. I decided to draw... ended up drawing a heart. Though I think that it turned out perfect, this time it wasn't particularly enjoyable.
In general I really like pink, I use pink a lot in my meditations - its always love. And often I really like pink clothes. But this time I can still feel the lack of control or direction, its very raw. I included the zoomed up picture to show the textrue. While typing this article tears started pouring out. Actually that's what I think I needed. Its so vulnerable, and there, and very aware of the pain of being so dependent. But that's exactly what love is. Its just there. Waiting and praying for you to pick it up and love it back. Kind of helpless.
As Teal Swan would say, I got into my shadows. And I was not aware of how deep this one was. I will do my best to allow this feeling to be. That's a big reason of why I am writing this article, to just let my helplessness be, to let all of you see it. Though I am an adult now, I think that little girl that was so dependent for her survival, even at 2 years old, could not handle feeling helpless, she could not handle not understanding why, so assigned meaning to everything. My vacant Dad was because he didn't love us. Whenever I did something wrong, its because I was bad, it was my fault. That made me feel better, if it was my fault, then at least I had some control. If I was helpless, then it wouldn't have been my fault, and I wouldn't have figured out how to avoid being yelled at. Not that I had a "bad" childhood. But we all have our pain, and it all comes from somewhere, weather it makes sense or not to other people, is ok. Its ok, if it originates from a perception, or from outside trauma. Its ok that you were hurt, its ok that acknowledging that hurt might hurt other people. Its ok if someone else might think its trivial. The truth is that nothing in your heart is trivial, because its your heart, and you matter.
I would really love to see other people's heart drawings.
You do matter.
I slept on it... I woke up with a weighed down heart, I've been trying my best to let "being helpless" be ok. Its hard to let uncomfortable emotions be ok, I think most of us have been trained the opposite, that its not ok, that you have to turn that frown upside down! But after writing and meditating a bit more, I came to the conclusion (I know that's not the right word) that it is actually very strong to let yourself be helpless. I think helplessness is a feeling of a lack of control or none at all, paired with not understanding how its all going to work out. You are at the mercy of who or whatever you are dependent on. Just as a small child is dependent on their parent or care taker. But it takes strength to allow that to be ok, in a way its telling the Universe, "I trust in the universe, I trust that I will be provided for." The sting has left :) Its ok not to understand how, when or where its going to all come together, but it will.
I have fait, its quiet, but its there.
I'm very passionate about a lot of things, often trying to incorporate all of it into my life!