Mixed bag update: Self awarness lessons, periods, and celebrations

Hello friends!

I actually logged on to work on my home organizing website, but then I saw that from my last post the views on my web page jumped from 722 to 946! I am so excited!! I hope you are enjoying what I am sharing. So my excitement prompted me to write.

So an update:
I only meditated for 20 minutes today.  I decided to meditate focusing on my root chakra, I noticed how connected it was to my heart, and many other areas of my body.  No images came up this time.  I guess I was a little nervous of what might come up, because when I meditated before focusing on my root chakra I saw (or realized/remembered) that I was molested as a kid, right around age 7.  I know who it was now.  So that was a pretty painful, and yet SO healing meditation.  Hopefully I will meditate again tonight.  

My period came today, and was not that painful!!!!  I am so happy, I must have done a good job listening and taking care of my body this week.  And I kind of also think that I have been integrating so much, and being present with my femininity that I just carry less pain in that area of my body.  This is huge.  

I feel like I need to add that I used to have horrible periods, I used to faint, throw up, or be glued to the toilet because of the pain, my doctor thought I had endometriosis, and I probably did.  But pain killers never worked, I don't take pain killers any other time except for my period, because I need to lower my tolerance, I have definitely way exceeded the recommended dosage within a few hours, and sometimes I still had pain.  All I could do is be in bed, for sometimes two days.  What does work for me, is consuming more iron and greens.  NO SUGAR, NO ALCOHOL, and NO COFFEE, when I can tell my period is coming, that multiplies the pain.  And sleeping well really helps too, so when I notice my period approaching, ie, I cry easily, start getting really annoyed at people, men are hitting on me like sharks, and I love how big my boobs are, I cut coffee, cut, alcohol, and up the green.  I make it a point to eat spinach every day, when I used to eat meat, I made sure to eat more meat.  And I will usually double up on my B Complex Vitamin, and Blood Builder Iron supplement.  And I'm sorry to be gross but I have noticed a direct correlation to how much I poo and how little pain I feel.  If I poo every day leading up to my period the pain is MUCH less, where as if I don't for even just one day the week before, the pain is much worse.  The book Woman Code by Alisa Vitti really helped me.  Oh, also I take a lavender vitamin that I buy at my doctors office, and use an essential oil blend specifically for periods.  

I noticed a cute guy in the store while grocery shopping, and then noticed how insecure I got.  I'm pretty, I'm no super model like I wished as a child, but I am definitely in the top 40%.  But I guess I had not noticed my insecurity in a while.  In high school and in my 20's I was so insecure that I would get red if a guy just talked to me, he didn't even need to be cute, or my age.  I became quite a bit more confident when I became a flight attendant.  And today I realized that I compensate for my insecurities by being "perfect."  I love being perfect, and when I am an expert in something, that is when I feel the most comfortable.  I also feel more comfortable when I am doing something/have a job that needs to be done, hence that is the reason I am talking to the guy.  This is a good thing to notice, because now I can work on it.  Its also a really good thing to realize that how insecure I am is actually the obstacle to being in a healthy loving relationship, instead of the belief I used to have (but after today, not anymore!) that there where just no good guys in my town.  This is great! because I can actually work with this.

Other things that have happened.  One of my family members told me that they just found out they get free unlimited therapy sessions though their insurance.  This is actually one of the things I really wanted to happen this year, that they would seek out therapy for at least a year.  So some manifesting is already falling into place <3

I cleaned my place for an hour, an instruction I get from meditating very often.  And when I went to go buy more vitamins then woman gave me a $10 discount, that I didn't need to ask for.  I really appreciated that.  OH! And someone pick up my trip that I was supposed to work today, which I was so grateful for because today was supposed to be there worst day of my period, so I wanted to be able to be home an relax.  I'll check my lotto tickets later.

Have a beautiful day, Jessica