Where I'm at

Hello,

Welcome to my online journal.  Just to warn you not all of it will be pretty.  But I have a little more courage than I normally would because none of my family knows about this.  I have finally told my closest friends about this website, and how proud of it I am.  None of my facebook or instagram "friends" know about this blog either.  So as a preface, I love to write, and do automatic writing a lot.  I can literally write 6 pages out of nowhere.  So there will most likely be a lot of tangents.  I'm sorry but I hope that you enjoy my journey, and that it inspires you in some way.

So here's where I'm at right now.  For the most part I am happy.  I love my job as a flight attendant, and home organizer.  I am magic with kids,   I love them and I think they know it.  I can't even count how many times I have been on the street and a kid has come up to me, or jumped out of their parents arms, or just started waiving to me.  Its so cute, and I love it every time.  Parents always think its weird, but I know its normal.  I know they can see me, energetically speaking.  And I've also worked with kids for over 20 years, so I really get them.  I am an indigo.  I am very energetically sensitive, and was ashamed of the fact that I can see auras, and know people life path potentials, and can see when there are spirits in the room, or if a spirit is following somebody.  As a child, and all the way though my 20's I was punished for it, not physically.  I was never beaten, but my parents would yell at me complaining  that I was so sensitive or picky.  Then in school socially I was called weird, crazy, or I got "F You, you don't know what you're talking about."  What I learned from this is that I am not allowed to be who I am.  The scariest thing in the world was to let someone see the core of who I was. to the point that I didn't know.  I learned how to fake happiness in high school, looking forward to getting home so I could cry a deep broken hearted 2 hour sob.  Then later as I got old, I got panic attacks.

This led me to novelty, and being a travelhollic.  I learned the best way to "cure" depression or sadness was to do something new.  When you do something new this novelty sparks your curiosity, and absorbs your attention.  I dare you to try to be sad and curious at the same time I don't think its possible.

As a note while depression and anxiety have been part of my journey, although a very important treasured part of my journey, most days I am happy now.  Or experience happiness during the day.

So this past year has been an especially pivotal year.  I have met a few key people that opened the flood gates to my spirituality.  I had already been meditating for a while, and had many breakthroughs.  But this year, man!  I was getting big and little breakthroughs at least every day.  Lots of crying, lots of completely zapped energy, lots incredible connection, moments where I'm just in love with life.  Now when I see spirits I smile, and feel loved, I know what they want.  I never see the scary ones anymore, and if I do, they usually teach me something.  Jump to August 2018, I went to a Kyle Cease seminar, and one of the girls was telling her story, and it was basically the same Kylego I would have said, and naturally I started building on it, then it hit me,   I realized how to the bone terrified I was to let people see this intuitive side of me, that is a giant chunk of who I am.  Heather and Eva were sitting next to me and they just hugged me as I cried silently, trying not to let a panic attack happen.  I'm getting tears right now.  It was so sweet.  And so hard for me to cry in public, and to realize how painful it is to be scared of letting people see who you are.  

Heather and I have stayed friends, which I am so grateful for.  I love talking to her, I can see her heart, and I feel seen with her.  And so because of our conversation  where I told her she should write a book of how she got through all of her stuff, I decided I needed to take my own advice.  So here it is my own online journal of what I did to manifest a house, and just the best year ever.  

PS if you're like me and really scared of speaking up I highly recommend starting a blog.  Its so easy, you don't have to tell anyone, and I cannot tell you how much more satisfied I feel in my life overall just for putting my truth out there, even though I don't know who is reading it.

So today, January 8th, I started reading the book Mask of Masculinity by Lewis Howes, started this online journal, and in the car I said out loud "Thank you SO much that I won the lottery and bought my house!"  As I was saying it I felt more and more excited and got louder and louder.  Somebody wins the lotto, why not me.  I will do so much good with it.  I also hired my coach again :)

Comment below or send me an e-mail of what you want to create, experience, enjoy, achieve, whatever for 2019.
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Love you, Jessica